We had some dining rules of the road when the kids were little and we were taking a vacation. When eating in a bad food state never choose a menu item having more than basic steps. The classic example would be, “kill cow, cook cow, eat cow.” The more steps the more trouble. We refer to this and others as Utah rules.
Never eat in a place called by a relative’s name, i.e., Mom’s, Aunt’s, Dad’s, Grandma’s, etc. Or a military name such as Captain’s. Beware of the adjective “home made” or its scary cousin “homade.” Avoid all dialect restaurant names such as “Unca Jim’s Homade Cookin'”. And lastly do not patronize a place which uses alternative spellings such as Olde, Shoppe, or Kountry.
The epic example of this was when our son suggested to his grandmother when faced with another one of her horrible meals was that she should open a restaurant named Kap’n Mom’s Kitchen. She was pleased. The rest of us could barely meet each others’ eyes. It is family lore.
Anyway I have taken to posting the next few days menus in the kitchen as such…